July 13th, 2006
experiences can shape one's frame of mind and guide them how to deal with certain situations. i took the self preservation path inspite of it all. but sometimes, it makes we wonder, if i'll step on the wilder side and throw inhibitions away, maybe i could be happier.happier in the sense that the more mistakes i make, the more risks i take....the more immune and apathetic i could be to hurt. i admire those people who can be like that.
i know a 24 year old girl(a very beautiful, smart and successful girl at that) who's having a very physical affair with a married guy. a good for nothing married guy. i can vouch for that. the weirdest thing is....they seem happy. cant the girl see that he's just using her? cant the guy see that what theyre doing can break his whole family? but then again, they seem happy.
maybe i can be that happy too....maybe if im that experienced, i'll know how to deal with everything when the next good guy comes along.kissing a thousand frogs might not be all for naught after all.
but i am not like that...i have always thought that if someone really wants or likes you enough, everything would work out...every thing would fall into pieces... pieces of puzzle perfectly fitted together.the feeling of frustration wouldnt be there. the feeling of incompetence, embarrassment and stupidity would not be present...IF THAT SOMEONE WANTS OR LIKES YOU ENOUGH...if...
as for now, i wont hold my breath. i'll just take things as they are and wont force something that's not meant to be. i think there's enough embarrassment on my part that could last for the next 30 years.
but there would still be a tiny bud of hope.
nevertheless, i have putted the pieces all together. 
