one prank call at work made me clam up and turn me into an introspective hermit again.
he just asked a simple question that startled me.
one simple nonsensical question (which im sure was formulated from that lower head of his) that hit the mark.
men can be heartlessly cruel. 
i miss writing.
living in a dreamlike state is insidiously withering whatever is left of me.
what is left of me?
when one realizes that she has nothing to lose..or live for...one becomes horribly despondent. it will never cease to astound me that a person can actually shatter and completely ruin one's life without ever having any qualms or compunction.
im having a hard time writing.maybe i should stop agonizing and consuming emotions are starting to worm its way (albeit in a destructive way) .i think it's unhealthy.i buried these feelings of pain and anguish a long time ago. it took tremendous will and unimaginable grit on my part to cope up with this.
have i really coped up? will this be a perpetual inner struggle? will i still survive the harrowing aftershocks?
i endured enough.
i suffered enough.
stop.just please....
stop.
had you known what i went through... had you felt even a fragment of the grief and ache you evoked..maybe....just maybe you'll understand.
but right now i have to go back living a half life..and delude myself into believing that i actually have a life after "that" ...
after you...
