im busy.it's actually a good thing. never mind my previous post.i just posted stuff so erratically that i dont seem to think what exactly i am posting 
our training began last monday. my batchmates are just simply wonderful.atleast those i got close to in such a short time. we were blessed to have a nice trainor. he's not fond of intimidating us which is just amazing.(it manifests that he doesnt have ego or insecurity probs) if anything else, i think he even tries to encourage us to be good...no..even better. he exerts effort to reach us.one thing i noticed though is that i have this feeling he suppresses his laughter when one of my batchmates cracks a joke.he strikes me as a very quiet person.either he is profound...or shallow. but personally i think it's the former.
the training wasnt exactly difficult. i dont know.. but everytime it's time for a call simulation or an oral exam i just cant seem to say the things i really want.my brain freezes into such an incompetent clutter that i just feel very very hopeless. my friend told me that it's really like that during the first time.but how the heck can i get in if i keep on messing up my oral exams?i know i can do better. now, the problem is, how am i supposed to show my trainor that i actually can if i transform into such a blabbering idiot whenever im on the fon?HAHA!
you might be wondering why i applied for the job?if an HR would ask me, i would say that i love interacting with people so i realized why not find a job wherein i can both do what i love and earn extra at the same time.but the truth is, i can live without this job.i dont NEED this job.my mom actually disagreed when i asked permission.
i applied for that job to get myself busy and productive...to get myself distracted from thinking about certain people who are best left forgotten...to ignore self destructing thoughts that i know would kill what's left of me if i dont get hold of it...i even stopped writing just to avoid reminiscing and acknowleding my emotions...
tomorrow's our finals on our accent training.i hope we'll all get in
sir nathan have mercy on the needy.hahah
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UPDATE:
we all "passed" our accent training (which i seriously doubt) haha! not that im questioning our trainor's judgement regarding this matter, i myself admit that i didnt do very well. he's just gracious and considerate enough to give us all a chance. as what he told me, he knows what it feels to be just a trainee. one more week and we're gonna hit the floor.
i wonder if that one week would be more tedious and gruelling, not to mention scarier as that of last week's..
Note:
living a shallow life is deteriorating my inner light...
it feels like im losing everything i hold dear
