Mind Whispers

im stumped. im too anxious to even think iof a single coherent thought. im too bitter to say anything optismistic and im too scared to try something new so basically i have nothing to write.

maybe except ....

im still trying to heal.

i promise that after all the things in my life had  been satisfactorily stable and i have had settled all my worries, i'll probably write more interesting stuffs in here. but with my mind doing its own nervous breakdown, albeit nonstop at that, i'll continue crossing my fingers and hoping not for the better but for the best this time. i lost count of how many times i messed up. im getting tired of cleaning my mess. i really cant afford another mess up. i might find a suicidal streak in me. LOL im kidding. one of the things im scared of right now is the thought that i'll completely lose all the optimistic thoughts that precariously lingers quite stubbornly in the oh so deep recesses of my horribly twisted mind.whew.LOL.

the thing is, im too proud to give up. Pride is what keeps me going on. i dunno if that's a god thing or not.

i was suddenly engulfed with intense nostalgia and depression. the idiotic realization of what ive done with my life didnt help either. i keep on suppresing this pessimistic and self destructive thoughts locked inside my mind. im still hoping that some semblance of sanity and stability would finally be hurled on my way.

why did no one stay? am i that difficult?

look what youve done to me.

im ruined.